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Pistachio

By John | March 11, 2008

There are times in history when a certain event just has to be documented no matter how obscure it might seem. This event occurred last Saturday evening at BarcampAustin III, and it just simply needs an historical footprint. The stage is set with a karaoke band called Karaoke Apocalypse (KA). KA allows would-be rock stars the ability to sing and make utter fools of themselves while dangling without a net. The live band aspect gives the would-be Bono just a little bit more rope than the usual karaoke DJ or CD boom box. Singing live with a band adds just a little more spice to the eventual success or failure of the would be rock star incumbent. In general, the brilliance of a karaoke performance is that, throughout mostly miserable performances, every once in while is a performer who just misses, which just seems perfect given your current perspective. I call these performances the 2%’rs. Furthermore, a true analysis of a good karaoke performance includes more than just one’s singing skills. Not unlike professional performances, there is always an “IT” factor that has to be analyzed. The perfect 2%’er has 100 percent of this coveted 2%’er “IT” factor. All this means is that the best-of-the-best karaoke performers are judged on their linear distance to how close they get to a perfect 2%’er performance given that it is mathematically impossible for them to approach 100%.

Enter center stage: Pistachio, swinging her extremely sexy good looks to an Pat Benatar song. This would seem to have all the makings of a great potential 2%’er. Pistachio was no slouch, and, man, did she deliver. Her performance was a 2%’er delivery with extreme prejudice. She had it all. Her voice was about 2% from being good (which in the Karaoke perspective is great). When she did that sexy left shoulder leather jacket drop it had all the makings of true 100% perfection, but, when her jacket slipped off her right arm, it immediately went into this great 2%’er triple lutz and the jacket eventually wound up slapping some poor dude in the audience in the face. Just short of perfection where the jacket should have made a beautiful pirouette into the audience but it wound up two feet off the stage with some poor bloke covering his black-eye. Here again she was in brilliant 2%’er form.

Poor old Giovanni was working a boom to get close-up video footage, and the brilliance of these two bodies in motion, Giovanni‘s camera and Pistachio’s face, banging into each other at perfect intervals was – let’s just say 2%. Jim Carrey could not have scripted this any better. Giovanni would move in for a face shot, and Pistachio would move right into the camera – Ka-Boom. He would pull back and she would pull back. He would go left and she would go right – just brilliant. I can’t image how good the footage will be once it is available. I mean, if this isn’t 2%’ism, I don’t know what is. Ok, big ending, for sure. Pistachio decides to do a mosh pit dive into the crowd, but there is one serious problem: the crowd is back at least 5 feet from the stage huddled around the heating lamp. A few perceptive boys anticipate the looming disaster and run to Pistachio’s aid before she lands head first on the ground (ouch that would have been bad). The boys brilliantly work her vertical stabilizer and rudders, and, in an act that could only be compared to the infamous Sioux City UA DC10 crash, they somehow carry her off to the back of the venue in pure 2% glory. All and all, her performance was just 2% of a perfect performance, putting Pistachio’s in the annals of a perfect 2% karaoke show. I believe fun was had by all.

Topics: barcamp, barcampaustin, barcampaustiniii, pistachio, sillystory, sxsw | 1 Comment »

One Response to “Pistachio”

  1. 40 Days of Rag on ValleyWag Day #8 - What a Freakin Stupid Idea | John M Willis ESM Blog Says:
    March 18th, 2008 at 5:53 am

    [...] done in my life.  I actually believe that purposely making a fool out of ones self is as close to nirvana as one can get.   The 40rag is generating no extra traffic and in fact the last few entries have [...]

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